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  • Writer's pictureCJ

I already miss the circuit breaker

Updated: May 22, 2020

' The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.' -- Osho

It’s Week 5 of the circuit breaker. It’s Mother’s day. It’s been difficult staying home with a toddler and a 8-month old. It’s tough juggling chores, work, infant and toddler needs while staying home (I’m not even working full time right now, my heart goes out to the full time working Mums at this period). I couldn’t wait to go back to normalcy, get back some of the peace and slow breathing without my toddler. I can’t wait for my 8-month old and toddler to continue exploring the world, challenging their senses as they learn about their world. Don’t get me wrong. I adore my kids, but I need respite.

Work has been unproductive, inspiration low. Energy in the day is mostly spent on ‘dealing’ with my toddler, until I learnt to support her needs. Motherhood is not instinctive, it’s learnt. I feel bad leaving my work behind as I run through the daily grinds. But I feel bad feeling bad about not doing work, because I was ‘supposed’ to enjoy being a mother!

As the weeks pass, I would feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of frustration, helplessness and impatience. And then i get angry, and I feel like I have no resources left to get by the day with my kids. I found this article very timely and helpful, as it just describes ME!! Thank you Janet Lansbury..

Some days are really tough.

I don’t want to change another diaper, read another story, sing another song, dance another dance.

Some days I wished my mum was here to cook up some meals so that I don’t have to deal with kitchen and kids.

Some days I miss having some time to read. Many times, I feel my will-power running low, only to tap on motivation from mother-friends and encouragement from my siblings and mummy.

Sometimes I miss my husband too.

Some moments I feel really tickled by my toddler, in awe of the immense change of her perception, sense of humour and presence in the house.

Some moments my baby boy whines to get my attention, and it melts my heart -- only if I was being at peace with wholeheartedly being present with my kids.

I am forced to stay home and observe my kids grow, create opportunities for her and her new brother to play, communicate and interact. I am given a chance to feel what motherhood feels like, in full force. I am privileged to have breakfast with 2 kids while my husband hustles for endless work, serving the nation to make COVID-19 easier to deal with. What a powerful effect of staying home with my family. ‘How tough can that be?’ I thought to myself at the start, until I learnt about "Cabin Fever'.

Before I know it, circuit breaker is going to end. We are all going to return to the pace we used to, seeing each other much less than 2 hours a day before bedtime comes. Circuit Breaker (CB) has been kind to us, keeping us safe, and giving us the rare opportunity to live and grow as a family. I have learnt 1 thing: If it is tough for me, it must have been tough for my toddler, baby (okay, maybe not so much the baby) and husband, too. Live in the moment, embrace the challenges, seek out to look for ‘teachable moments’ for myself and my kids. There will never be another time like this (hopefully not another pandemic), and I will keep the best and worst moments in pictures and in emotions. I already miss the Circuit Breaker, it will be a significant event in history that has occurred across the globe, and deeply in our hearts as well. Perhaps the world needs to go through an evolution with Covid-19, where empathy, cohesion, deep relationships and humanity are restored again.

3 more weeks to go, treasure every moment and emotion before the hustle begins again! To all mummies, the days don’t get easier, we get stronger. We are getting through a pandemic, one we will never forget. Stay safe, seek help when you need, wash hands and keep moving!

Love, Mummy Physio

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